Down Memory Lane
With the Tea Baggers
If you were 260 years old, which is the average age of a tea bagger, and had been a stone conservative all your life, you would have believed, or at least professed, the following things:
* That King George III was our proper sovereign.
* That Washington, Adams, Franklin and that bunch deserved the noose.
* That, having unfortunately become independent, America should have a king rather than a president.
* That, having regretfully become a republic, America should restrict the ballot to white men of property.
* That blacks, Indians, women and children were property.
* That human slavery was God’s way.
* That opposition to slavery was the devil’s work.
* That the extension of voting rights to white men without property put America on the road to ruin.
* That human slavery should be extended to the new states in the west and reimposed on Latin America and the Caribbean.
* That the maintenance of human slavery in the south required attacking the United States of America, destroying its union, killing its soldiers, trampling its flag, and creating a new slave nation.
* That the abolition of slavery marked another awful step in America’s ruination.
* That freed slaves should be retained in bondage by way of feudal share-cropping and strict segregation.
* That free labor should have no rights and that any effort of workers to combine in unions should be prosecuted as conspiracy.
* That child labor kept kids busy and discouraged delinquency.
* That public schools were socialistic.
* That group practice by doctors was socialistic.
* That antitrust laws were socialistic.
* That the government had no right to protect citizens from foul air, bad water, contaminated food or poisonous drugs.
* That the supreme right was private property and the freedom of its owners to do as they wished.
* That any organization with Inc. in back of its name is preferable to any organization with U.S. in front of its name.
* That corporations should have all the rights of human beings but few, if any, of their responsibilities.
* That money talks every time.
* That Woodrow Wilson and his progressive ilk caused most of our current problems.
* That Franklin D. Roosevelt was really named Rosenfeld and was a traitor to his class.
* That fascism was a positive trend in the 1930s and that Hitler and Mussolini were leaders to admire and emulate.
* That the United States should never have entered World War II.
* That Dwight D. Eisenhower was a conscious member of the international communist conspiracy.
* That Joe McCarthy was a saint.
* That taking God out of the schools and putting the N------rs in ruined America yet again.
* That civil rights laws added to the ruin.
* That John F. Kennedy got what he deserved.
* That Ronald Reagan was our greatest president.
* That Saddam Hussein committed 9/11 and that we found his weapons of mass destruction.
* That Wall Street bankers had nothing to do with the current financial meltdown. Instead it was caused by a conspiracy of poor people to destroy capitalism by borrowing money to buy houses they couldn’t afford. This conspiracy was hatched by Woodrow Wilson in the 1910’s and put into motion in the early 1960’s by a couple of radical Columbia University professors scheming with the then four-year-old Barack Obama.
* That Barack Obama grew up to be a Kenyan, an Indonesian, a Muslim, a radical Christian, an atheist, a socialist, a Nazi, an alien and the anti-Christ.
* That even though I think they are socialistic abominations, I keep my Medicare card handy and have direct deposit for my Social Security.